The Burger King is an Emotional Terrorist!



Posted: Friday, September 28, 2007

by
George Cole

I believe the title of this article says it all. The Burger King (in all of those commercials) is an emotional terrorist! When I first observed the fast food giant's advertisement on television, I sat completely still. I did not want him (or it) to see me. I looked at his huge head and emotionless eyes and I immediately knew my next three years of nightmares would be built upon this very image.

The "Burger King" would just appear at peoples windows and hand them hamburgers in the middle of the night. I just knew I had to warn all of the people in the commercial that the Burger King had a machete and chainsaw underneath his royal robes. What kingdom is he in command of anyway? I would say that he is a leader of several hordes of demons on the sixth plane of hell with Jason, Freddy, and Michael Myers bringing up the rear guard while slinging burgers to unsuspecting victims.

Did I mention that The Burger King does not speak? (At least I have not allowed the commercial to play long enough to hear his voice).This makes it even worse. I can only imagine what his voice sounds like with his victims blood and flesh coating his throat. I can hear a whispery whiskey voice that sounds like the demonic voice in The Exorcist.

I am not kidding, the new Burger King commercials are as scary as some of the blood fest movies that are on the big screen today. I believe in one of the commercials, it shows him playing football. Shoot! I would just hand him the ball and say, "King...You WIN! Just don't cut me or look at me" I would immediately run to the nearest Whataburger for emotional support.

I remember in the 1970's when Burger King (the restaurant chain) ran a series of commercials featuring a live Burger King without a big headed mask. The person who acted like The Burger King actually performed magic tricks and was kid friendly. He was not the psycho, knife wielding, gonna- scare- you- to- buy- hamburgers monster he is today.

Don't get me wrong, I love Burger King Whoppers, and their Mustard Whoppers are to die for (pardon the intentional pun). It is just that I do not want to see THE BURGER KING when I visit the restaurant. He is flat scary!

Now, when the commercial appears on my t.v. set, I immediately turn it off and pray an honest prayer to Our Good Lord to deliver me from any nightmares that involve crowned burger-serving kings that play football!

**AFTERNOTE: Shortly after writing this article, I strolled into my local mall and found a Halloween display sporting several masks. Do you know what mask they thought was scary enough to make and to sell? The Burger King Horror Mask is alive and well and can be purchased at Spencer's Gifts!

George "Chris" Cole experienced life as a law enforcement officer with a tour of duty lasting over ten years in law enforcement. He is the survivor of two marriages, and continues to meet new people that provide inspiration for many of his articles and short stories. Many of his articles have appeared in national and local publications.

In 2008, Chris abandoned West Texas and its' "Wal-Mart Trees" (Mesquite bushes that grow plastic bags) to move to the green pastures and real trees of Fredericksburg, Texas. Chris continues to work and hone his writing skills while breathing the fresh air of the hill country.

Mr. Cole can be contacted at kriskohl333@gmail.com.

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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)
» left by Stacy Collinsworth
from Phoenix, AZ 4 years 119 days ago.
I LOVED IT! Your writing is very styled with a quality all your own! If you have not been published in the mainstream, you better get started! Most of all, keep writing! You are gifted!
» left by Jo Walker
 4 years 119 days ago.
11 fans.
Absolutely wonderful article Chris! What goes on in your mind would be a trip to see...lol Keep it up!
» left by Chris Cole 2 years 105 days ago.
18 fans.
It's a scary place! Especially when I visit the restaurant! Thanks!
» left by Levi
from Odessa,TX 4 years 107 days ago.
Yeah true Chris! HA! HA! HA!
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